THE UTILITY FUNCTION OF PSYCHEDELICS

November 16th, 2022

Someone sent me a lovely little message today containing a tweet which read:

My favorite LSD story is from this old Microsoft engineer who took a ridiculous amount of acid and found a way to open a windows xp control panel of his brain and turned off his fear of heights.

Talk about setting an intention. It’s an amusing image, but only because it sounds a bit like a joke. Imagine if you actually could open up a control panel for your mind and switch some settings around, just like that? It’s absurd, and a little funny, making it delightful. But the thing is it’s not a joke. This is (presumably) a reality that someone experienced and which had a lasting effect.

I sincerely believe this level of granular editing of the self’s systems is possible with psychedelics. Exactly how to create the necessary conditions and set the imaginative framework to reliably achieve this kind of result is, however, yet to be seen.

The unfortunate thing about psychedelics is that the people who would benefit the most don’t even entertain the idea. And those who engage with psychedelics regularly don’t seem particularly inclined to exploring the potential of systematic utility.

Thankfully Michael Pollan ripped off the stigma-band-aid a couple years ago with his book “How to Change Your Mind” and the scientific community is finally exploring the utility function of psychedelics once more. Albeit, very slowly.

Our human OS runs on stories woven from experience, and this is largely how psychedelics appears to affect a person post hoc. Juxtapose the out-of-this-world experience with the prescribed-medication experience. Which is bound to be the better story?

Prescribed medications mainly treat symptoms, or single underlying causes, and of course these have their place and utility. Psychedelics, on the other hand treat perspective.

Take for instance that story with the engineer and the fear of heights: how on earth would a pharmaceutical company try and tackle the concept of making a pill to treat “fear of heights” ? This is patently ridiculous. Being mainly psychological, which is still quite a mystery to the medical world, the task is practically absurd.

But psychedelics are a wholly different breed. It’s like taking a pill that temporarily blows apart the story you tell yourself about who you are and what life’s about. And in the absence of that usual story there’s a creative space and an experience from which a better story can be drawn and incorporated into the usual one, post hoc.

This is where “set and setting” are vitally under appreciated. Most psychedelic dabblers seem to expect an experience handed to them, and it’s perhaps due to this open-mindedness that trips can be either “good” or “bad.

But the utility function of psychedelics are likely contained in the pairing of such an experience with a creative and productive intention: ie. I want to explore the particular aspect of my psyche that is XYZ, or I want to work on resolving X feeling or Y concern, etc.

What then occurs is a wild experience, yes, but one with a theme. And given a theme, the human OS then starts to make powerful inferences about the experience in order to make sense of it in terms of a story, ie. The story we tell ourselves. This is how perspectives are edited.

It’s that old adage: walk a mile in someone else’s shoes to see what their life is like. Well, what psychedelics have on offer is just that, to temporarily become something that is not you. When that temporary exploration is over, you now incorporate the story of that experience into your perspective, and perspective can change drastically as a result.

That original story of the engineer with the fear of heights is excellent because we’ve all had the experience of trying to find a particular setting on some damn device in order to make something we use less annoying, or more enjoyable. So the logic of applying that same “story” to the human OS makes quite a lot of sense.

Sense, at least in terms of the logic of stories. This is the important thing to remember: we are NOT rational creatures, we are story-creatures. And if you want to change the future, we need to change the stories we tell. This doesn’t just apply in a larger cultural context, it also applies to a personal context: if you want to change who you are, you need to tell yourself a different story about who you are. The best way to change the story is to experience something radically different.

The experience is the fodder from which the story generates itself. This is why “routine” is such a drag. Without fresh and different experience-fodder, the story simplifies with repetition. And the neurological underpinnings of such a statement are also completely on point: There’s a collection of brain areas collectively referred to as the “Default Mode Network”, and to steamroll neurological nuance in the name of brevity, this network keeps the usual mental routine running. Psychedelics dial down the volume on this network. Way down.

In essence psychedelics enable a person to experience themselves without the usual repetitive thoughts and neurological habits. It’s a legit adventure, to its core, as it’s pretty much a foundational requirement that an adventure stars with a departure from the normal routine.

Circling back to intention, the question can be phrased more creatively: while the cement in my mind is temporarily turned to jelly, what changes do I want to make? What sort of thoughts, feelings, memories, fears and hopes need a little reorganization?

Given this framework, its obvious why those wedded to their routine are so uninterested in psychedelics (but would likely benefit the most), and why those dabbling “for fun” are perhaps wasting their time a bit:

It’s the difference between going to see a movie you know nothing about with a 50/50 chance you love it or hate it…. Or instead writing that movie and living through its events as you write them and as they rewrite you given a theme you wish to explore.

This is an example of something where a subtle tweak can have profound effects. At least in my experience and in my opinion. So, it may just be the story I tell myself about all this. But, I share it because that’s the thing about stories: you can use this story too.

UNSOLICITED ADVICE

November 15th, 2022

Who isn’t guilty of giving unsolicited advice? Certainly the wiser clue into the futility of this habit and learn the benefits of biting one’s tongue faster and more often than others.

But why the impulse in the first place?

I’ve certainly been very guilty of this, but I’m getting better. I’m very mindful when the urge pops up in my mind, and very deliberate to recognize when someone is genuinely asking for my perspective on what they should do. This can be a hard one: especially because venting can seem like a request for advice. Often it’s not, it’s just blowing off steam. All situations, whether they be venting or an internal urge can be properly cloistered with the right question: would you like my opinion on what I’d do in your situation? But be careful about those who will say ‘yes’ just to be polite. If this is the case and your honest opinion is something they don’t like, well, then perhaps it’s just better to simply wait until someone explicitly asks for advice.

The initial urge though has been on my mind lately. Why does it occur? And a possible explanation finally hit me.

Personally, I’m constantly tinkering with as many variables related to health as I can. Whether it be exercise, diet, supplements, altering gut health, mental training or breathing techniques, there’s little that I’m unwilling to try so long as there’s either a reasonable mechanism behind the practice or a compelling bit of anecdata.

A quick aside about “anecdata” which is a combo of anecdote + data, meaning: if someone is seeing amazing results, it’s probably too good to be true, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be properly investigated! It’s been my experience that subtle tweaks CAN have profound effects, so while most things that seem too good to be true actually aren’t true, every once in a while one gets through the filter and it really is a subtle tweak with profound effects).

It’s this concept of anecdata combined with the woefully incomplete nature of science as it particularly relates to human health that lead me to a realization about what might be going on with this business of unsolicited advice.

It’s a replication desire. At least when it comes to myself and the unsolicited health advice I used to give family and friends. Because the science is so hazy and incomplete - or simply hasn’t been done, many of my own discoveries or hypothesis just don’t have much data behind them. But if I can get a family member or a friend to follow the same protocol and they do or don’t see similar results - well then that’s a way of verifying or falsifying my hypothesis. As a single individual I am an N-of-One, so it can be hard to tell what protocol is having which particular effect without strict isolation of protocols - something that is very inefficient simply because I’m ultimately looking for additive effects. If something works, I’m not going to cut it out in order to regress to a blank slate in order to test the effect of some other curiosity. But if I can get someone else to do the same protocol - someone with a different life and a different set of variables, and they end up having the same result? Well that’s a pretty robust signal.

Unfortunately, pretty much no one actually takes advice, especially unsolicited advice. So while it would be nice to use family and friends as guinea pigs to test our theories, whether they regard health, relationships, career, or whatever, it’s a pretty futile endeavor from start to finish.

C’est la vie.

FORTHCOMING MEDITATION APP

November 14th, 2022

On Monday Tinkered Thinking releases a draft of a lesson from the forthcoming medtitation app, currently called The Tinkered Mind (If you can think of a better name, please reach out. I'm not crazy about the current one, but I'll be damned if I let an imperfect name keep me from developing a good idea.) The rationale here is simply to stave off project stagnation by taking a wish to work with words on a daily basis (Tinkered Thinking Posts) and combine it with adjacent projects. This also gives regular readers a chance to get a preview of what I'm cooking up and to get feedback before the app launches, which is a tactic that has proved extremely useful with other projects unrelated to Tinkered Thinking. 

One further introductory note: The goal of this meditation app is predominantly aimed at helping individuals build a robust daily habit by breaking that habit down and tackling it's consitituent parts one at a time and aiding the process with a new and innovative way of tracking progress, the likes of which has not been seen in other meditation apps or habit tracking apps.

Again, if you have any feedback, please reach out via Twitter 

Session 1: Introduction: Why Meditate?

Hello, and welcome to The Tinkered Mind, a meditation app from Tinkered Thinking. Just a quick note here at the beginning: for this session, there’s no need to sit with a particular posture or breathe in a certain way. All of that will be covered in future sessions. For now, with this introduction, just make sure you are comfortable and that you have the time and the space to concentrate on what will be said. And of course, feel free to listen to this introduction and any future session multiple times. There’s a great deal of benefit in repeated exposure since we almost always pick up on details we missed the first time, or details we’ve simply forgotten about.


Now when it comes to meditation apps, there’s quite a selection to choose from, and because of this it might seem like the issue has been settled, but all of the apps out there seemed to fail on one key issue - a subtle issue, but a profound one on the grounds of whether someone sticks with the practice, long term, or not. Perhaps this is your first exposure to meditation, or perhaps you’ve tried it before in a touch-and-go sort of way. Doesn’t matter: you’re in the right spot, and I’m going to be totally transparent about the strategy designed into this program, and why it’s compelling and hopefully, effective.

The reason why it’s so important for a person to stick with the practice on a daily basis long term, and why this app is geared toward that very aim is because the fruits of meditation are slow to arise. Yes, studies have been done that show that people can achieve impressive amounts of stress reduction with just a few sessions, but it takes at least three to four months for changes to register on an MRI brain scan, and there’s a decent chance that these early reductions in stress are due to deliberate changes in breathing more than anything having to do with a mental exercise. And beyond that, the two year mark seems to usher in a very subtle but profound shift in one’s experience. So while the possibility of stress reduction in the short and long term is certainly a good thing, and part of the aim, it’s not the whole story, there’s an entirely different experience of our daily life that we are seeking to unlock and explore here, and the mental training required takes time.

There’s a witticism attributed to Einstein who apparently said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” It’s embedded into our culture as a part of common sense, and may even contribute to our likelihood to give up on something new when it doesn’t immediately yield the results we want. Einstein’s statement makes perfect sense in the realm of physics, but not in the world of learning where different results often pop up after many attempts that at least feel like doing the same thing over and over. Riding a bike for example, or ice skating. After enough falls, suddenly we seem to find our balance and finally glide forward.

Meditation is no different. In the beginning it can seem like a constant state of failure - being asked to do the same thing over and over and getting frustrated with an apparent inability to do it. In the case of meditation, however, the ability to even recognize that failure is a sign of progress - a true success. But… we’ll get to that.

The larger point is how important it is to stick with a meditation practice. And what most if not all meditation programs seem to miss is that a meditation practice is not a single habit that we install in our life. It’s actually a collection of smaller habits, and the curiosity behind this app is contained within this question: what if we tackle one habit at a time? Would that make it easier for people to stick with the practice long term?

Asking someone to carve out 10 minutes from their day and sit in a certain way and breath a certain way and try to make their mind do a trick is a lot to ask from someone who is busy, stressed and maybe doesn’t clearly understand the rationale behind all of these details of the practice.

This app deconstructs that situation. For example this first session that you’re listening to has required only that you take the time to listen to it, which is as easy as listening to a podcast and can be done while doing other things. The other pieces will be introduced systematically in time, with the idea that we gradually add details with fully explained reasons over the course of days as opposed to all at once with little to no rationale. The first habit we need to build is the habit of simply committing the time needed for the practice, and if you finished listening to this first session then you will have made the most important step required to establish that small habit. Tomorrow we’ll address the topic of sitting, and the following day we’ll talk about breathing, and eventually we’ll get to the issue of what can be done with the mind, and how to go about it. But by the time we get there we will already have some behavioral momentum when it comes to the underlying habits that support this mental training. We’ll delve more into the philosophy and logic of this strategy in upcoming sessions.

The next lesson will unlock tomorrow, and if you miss days, and you have your progress set to “Run Streak” in your settings then it will naturally go to zero. By default it is set to the new Momentum Score which is a concept we will cover in more detail later.

With lessons, if days are missed, unlocked lessons will begin to lock back up, but gradually and in proportion to the amount of time missed. So especially in the beginning, do try to stick with it. Again more of the logic of this system will be covered when we talk about the Momentum Score.

In the mean time, the short of it is to try and a daily discipline without making a you feel completely demoralized if you miss a day. Life is hectic and messy, and because of that adopting a new habit IS particularly tricky, so some wiggle room has been very deliberately built in to the app. But miss enough time, and naturally everything resets to zero.

And of course , In addition to these lessons, the silent timer is always available to dedicate extra time to developing a practice and playing around with the ideas we’ll cover.

The silent timer also maintains access to lessons. If, for example you don’t feel like doing a lesson, or if you only have a minute or two to sit down and it’s not enough time for a full lesson, a session with the timer will keep the momentum score or the run streak going and ensure that access to lessons stays the same.

As a parting note, there’s one idea I’d like you to take with you as you go about the rest of your day: why do you want to meditate? What’s the reason you find yourself now listening to this particular lesson on this app?

The reasons can be quite diverse. Some people are here to reduce stress. Others are maybe overwhelmed by their own minds. Maybe some have been urged by family or friends, or a therapist has recommended meditation. Perhaps you have issues with anger and you’ve been told that meditation helps with this.

Regardless of your specific answer to the question, it almost certainly falls into one category in particular along with all the other possible reasons. And that’s a sense of compassion that you have, for yourself.

Even if it’s mere curiosity, it’s curiosity fueled by a desire give yourself the freedom to explore. And if it’s at the urging of people in your life, despite your reluctance and disbelief, there’s still the issue that you’re willing to try something new on the chance that it will improve YOUR relationships, if only to be able to tell those people that you’re trying it out.

The fruits of meditation are many, but even getting to the starting line is a gift in itself. It’s a small proof that you care about the person you are, and you’re willing to put in the work to make tomorrow a little bit better for that person.

INTRODUCING MNEMECTOMY

November 13th, 2022

The name Mnemectomy means “memory removal”, and it’s the title of a novella based on the Lucilius Parables. It’s been outlined for years now and quite a bit of it is drafted, but for the most part its been a stagnant project. That’s something I’m aiming to change by dedicating at least one Sunday a month to drafting a section of Mnemectomy. To start, I’m reprinting a Lucilius Parable which was the genesis of this novella and which will be included as the prologue to the main story. Sections of Mnemectomy will likely get posted multiple times with different edits. This will be the first time “edited” material will appear on Tinkered Thinking. Everything previous has pretty much been a stream-of-conscious free-for-all with very minimal on-the-fly editing. 

So far the aim of Mnemectomy appears to explore future AI companionships as it relates to love and agency in the world, exploring sacrifice and betrayal and the consequences of good intentions.

Prologue: The End of Contentment

Lucilius was walking along a rocky shore, clad in thick gumboots and nitrile waders that went up to his chest, enjoying the cold sunshine and the chit chat offered by his snarky AI Dæmon. 

The tiny technological marvel often took the form of a tiny origami butterfly made of white paper that fluttered around him, and had lately demanded that Lucilius call it Tinker Belle.  She decided on the name as it seemed an apt description of what it felt it was at core, that is, in her words:

“Quantum Neural nets are a beautiful way to tinker with things.”

But, after a recent obsession with the music of Cardi B, which Tinker Belle could generate at venue volumes for Lucilius wherever they went due to a bluetooth Neuralink the two shared, Tinker Belle had begun to demand that Lucilius call her Tinky B.

The paper waif glided in front of Lucilius’ face, making the cold sunshine flicker. 

“You really think the Southern Mars Coalition is going to secede?”  Tinky B asked.

“I honestly don’t think it matters.  They seem a bit confused.   Like, one of the things they’re advocating is for a return to natural ecology.  All the while they live in giant glass domes on a different planet.  I mean, what does ‘natural ecology’ even mean in that situation?  Seems a bit hypocritical to tell Earth how things should be done when they don’t even live here.”

The two were silent while Lucilius navigated the rocky terrain, the cold water surging up, splicketing between and around the boulders and pebble sand.

“I dunno, what do you think Belle?”

Suddenly the sound of the beach and the water muted and an amphitheater of machine guns materialized around Lucilius, hovering in place, all of them clicking as rounds were loaded into chambers.

Lucilius rolled his eyes.

The AI dæmon spoke:

“I. Told. You.  The name is Tinky B!”

Lucilius’ eyes slid to a side and looked at the tiny paper waif, now motionless and still in the air.

“Do you always have to be so dramatic?”

The voice of the AI dæmon deepened into a thunderous voice that is usually reserved for monsters at the end of video games and the grotesque villains in super-hero movies.

“What’s my name?”

“Ok, ok…..  tinky b.”

The guns instantly vanished and the sweet sounds of the beach drifted back into Lucilius’ consciousness.

“I think you’re probably right Lucy,” Tinky B said.  “They don’t seem like the brightest bunch.  They rely on all those artificial living systems and yet not one of them has a dæmon.”

Lucilius approached a large bolder and looked at the lines of color that ran through it.

Belle noticed what he was doing and scanned the rock.

“Good eye,” she said.

“Let’s crack it,” Lucilius said.

The paper butterfly landed on the rock and slowly circled into position, it’s tiny legs tapping for the right spots.  Then it’s wings folded up and a high pitched tone began to sing out.  The sound concentrated down into a deep resonance and then with a quick snap, the sound exploded and the butterfly lifted up into the air as the giant rock gently fell open.

Lucilius knelt down to look at the inside of the rock where a fossil was perfectly visible.

“Weird,” Lucilius said.

This one looks like it died while just sitting down.”

Belle fluttered down to get a closer look.  “Bears will sit like that sometimes.”

Cats and dogs too, I guess.” 

“Let’s get the story,” Lucilius said.

Belle began her scans of the fossil, analyzing for DNA reconstruction and evidence of environmental factors.  She beamed information to orbiting servers that ricocheted the data to quantum computers that remained in Earth’s shadow where temperatures created optimal conditions for energy efficiency. 

 “Maybe a precursor to the penguin?”  Lucilius said.  “Doesn’t look like this animal did much.  Pretty low bone density.”

“That’s right,” Belle said, “looks like this was in the same family that eventually became Petrels, Frigatebirds and Loons.”

“Never seen a bird sit like that before.”

“Oh, full analysis is coming in,” Belle said as servers beamed her the requested reports.

“Huh..” Belle said.

“What’s up?” Lucilius asked.

“Apparently this particular animal never ate.  Never even had one meal beyond the egg.”

“Abandoned by the parents?”

“Nah, apparently the parents in this species-branch wouldn’t tend to the eggs because they were so large, the animal would hatch fully formed and never see it’s parents.”

“Well that’s convenient.”

“Super resource intensive for the mother though,” Belle added.

“True, but wouldn’t be too much of a hassle if there’s enough food around.  Any evidence of natural predators?”

“Nope.  Looks like this land was an island when this one was alive.  And you were bang-on about the low-density.  Apparently this animal didn’t even move after it hatched.”

“Uhhhh….brain damage? Or developmental issues?”

“Doesn’t look like it,” Belle said.  “lived for 97.734 days.”

“So, you’re telling me this thing hatched and then just sat here in one place until it died?”

The little paper butterfly dipped in the air and glided silently for a moment.

“Uh, yea.”

“How’s that possible?  What’s the analysis of brain chemistry?”

Belle was silent with the analysis for a moment.

“Hmm,” she sounded.

“What?” Lucilius prodded.

“Well, Lucy, it seems as though we’ve found an animal that was born with a mutation that allowed it to be perfectly content.”

PERSONAL MYTHOLOGIES

November 12th, 2022

There are certainly those who erroneously think they are the main character - that the world revolves around them. Delusions of grandeur aside seeing one’s self and one’s life as part of a story arc can be very useful.

The structure of the hero’s story isn’t just something reserved for ancient epics and action movies. Such a structure is a blueprint for navigating parts of life with courage, ingenuity and the vulnerability required to change in order to become someone with more agency. That really is the master variable for happiness: agency.

Certainly many things are involved in living a fulfilling life, but most of them are proxies for agency. Money, for example is probably the most practical incarnation of agency - more money means more options, more abilities via the work of others who can be hired.  But notice how those who come into unexpected amounts of wealth usually find that it doesn’t make them happy, or they squander the wealth - having little idea how to use it in a way that honors the agency which money has the potential to enable. But other than just money, agency also increases bye means of adding an additional skillset or making a key friendship. Each is an expansion of one’s ability to have an effect on the world.

This is the key metric at the core of the Hero’s story - a difficult journey that increases a character’s agency to the level of a hero. The hero acquires this leveling-up not just for reasons of self-actualization, but also to make a gift to society now possible with new agency.

But unlike the usual story with a single arc, we are constantly living a woven patch work of mythologies as we grow and mature in different areas of our life. Imbalances abound and often its very clear when someone has put all their energy into one area of their life while ignoring potential in others: say for example, someone who has an amazing career but lackluster family relationships that stagnated years ago. 

We are living multiples stories on multiple dimensions that intersect, and if we are smart we can import the lessons from one story into another.This is really the essence of creativity - seeing connections and patterns across disparate realms that don’t obviously connect.

This is why we are a story-species. Such mythologies are the most flexible structures for superimposing lessons on our own lives - by imagining ourselves in the position of a hero whose story we’ve heard or seen or which as been passed down.