BREAKING IT DOWN

May 21st, 2018

I hated the play. 

That’s easy as hell to do. Take a glance at the painting, watch the movie, hear the song, wait for a feeling to pop up, and oh hey THAT’S convincing.

Feelings convince us of everything. If you are ‘convinced’ it does not mean that someone has defeated some part of your holistic rational system and now you are simply adding to it or repairing an over-looked segment. 

No, that’s the idealized version of what’s going on. In reality when we’ve been convinced, we just feel different about the subject. Very few of us are practiced enough in the art of breaking it down to be convinced by rational means. 

Breaking it down requires attention, awareness, time and effort. It is the opposite of the snap judgment we usually default to. And in the process of breaking it down the emotion provoked by the subject becomes emotion(s). Now there is a story, many stories to explain how it works, how it was put together and why.

Breaking it down breeds an appreciation. The extreme emotions that we usually categorize things with: I love it! I hate it! disappear. because with understanding comes knowledge of both the shortcomings and innovative successes of any given subject. Feelings about the subject become nuanced, requiring explanation, requiring the story of understanding. 

But remember, whatever piece that you uncovered while breaking it down that convinced you, probably isn’t going to be the convincing piece for someone else. And taking that ‘fact’ you found while breaking it and throwing it in someone’s face is going to do absolutely nothing. This is why people are unconvinced in the face of facts, and why a single photo of a burning girl can end a war. They need a story to feel for. A story for their heart to chew on. When the heart has had it’s fill, the mind will spout the new gospel as though it was derived like some Euclid proof. 

Stories are important, they are emotionally efficient. They cut out all the time people don’t have, and get the message across convincingly. 

But breaking it down is the whole enchilada. It spawns many specific and detailed stories. One of which might be convincing.

You might have hated the play.

But when the assistant stage manager writes the book about what was happening backstage during the performance, and it get’s picked up by Hollywood, and the movie comes out and you see not just the play you hated, but everything that was happening behind the scenes. (hmm, kinda like Birdman)

When the whole experience is broken down.

You just might love it.

At the very least, you’ll understand

a little more.

YOU ARE NOT ALL OF YOU

May 20th, 2018

We may often have thoughts that are disturbing. Things that we do not want to associate with who we like to think we are are.

Anxiety about such thoughts only seems to worsen the problem. Worry about it more and you have those thoughts more often. Fear them, and then they gain some real power, occurring non-stop.

What does this tell us about the brain?

How about this: Don’t think about the purple elephant.

What do you think about?

The brain is simply incapable of thinking about a true absence. 

The trick is to come up with something else to think about. This requires zooming out. Awareness, creativity. Coming up with an alternative and concentrating on that.

If the fact that you are ‘depressed’ is such a constant subject, how is it ever going to change if it is not replaced?

What you see is all there is.

What you think is all you are.

But what about the thoughts you don’t feel you can necessarily control?

This seems to indicate that there are parts of your brain that are not readily controllable by your conscious self. They yield influence, but you feel as though you yield no influence over those parts.

At least not in that moment-to-moment wanting and directing that is our conscious life…

How can we be subversive to these parts of our brains? Use what we know ‘about’ such areas and use it against those areas. 

Consider this fact: those who engage in meditation do not begin to see/feel positive results of meditation till a minimum of 6-8 weeks.

What is going on in the brain during that whole time? All that work, and no obvious impact. 

Then magically.

Oh. I think I notice a difference. 

Where is it coming from? Why don’t I have direct access to all those parts?

Maybe not direct access. But access nonetheless. Those who meditate chip away at blocks of the mind. They turn ugly knots of neurons into calmer regions. It’s like working out. You aren’t going to have a six-pack overnight. It takes time.

Soon those ugly thoughts will be gone.

But you have to put the work in everyday.

WIGGLE

May 19th, 2018

This episode references episode 15: Firebomb your Life

Drastically changing the situation is nearly certain to bring out a different person.

However.

Most of us cannot firebomb our life, move to a new place, wipe the slate clean and start over.

Most of us are stuck in many ways. Not just mentally and emotionally. But also situational: via responsibilities, loved ones, money, etc.

Often those situational aspects get the brunt of blame for our mental and emotional stagnation. 

But that again is laziness.

Sure, it’s fun to uproot your life, cast to the wind and go explore a new place. This is a big reason why people love to travel. It is exciting and it can have good effects. But often the same problems that get blamed on the situational aspects of home come along for the ride, and anyone who is in that ‘new place’ long enough for the initial excitement to wear off will find those problems cropping up again. Real change still requires dedication and work.

Not just a flashy action.

Applying that same initial excitement to the everyday – that’s difficult. 

But worth it.

Start small, and aim big.

Pick one thing to improve. Once a solution has wings and is flying in a better direction. Pick another. They don’t have to be big.

Say, improve your sleep. 

Identify what is keeping it from quality. Perhaps late meals are screwing with your metabolism at night. Perhaps the early morning sun makes sleeping difficult during those last couple hours. Perhaps your back always hurts. These are all a pain in the ass. But they are low hanging fruit. There are simple solutions to all of these, and implementing just one will improve everyday just a little. Compound enough of these: no more eating after 6pm, black-out drapes for the windows, a firmer mattress… and the positive effects start to add up. Soon great sleep means better performance during the whole day. A couple solutions for one problem have aided other things.

In just the same way that all the negative situational aspects of life have compounded to make us feel stuck.

A box isn’t just pried open. First we have to wiggle that flathead screw driver between the boards and make some space for the crowbar.

Somehow worms make their way through the ground just fine with no arms, legs, or any appendages. You’d think they’d be stuck. It’s amazing how far a little wiggle can get. Like that flathead screw driver.

Don’t expect to blow the lid off a box of full-on, over-night change.

That’s doomed to disappoint.

Find an edge.

An easy problem.

Low hanging fruit.

And wiggle.

ROSE-COLORED CUFFS

May 18th, 2018

This episode references episode 25: Preacher vs. Teacher vs. Party-maker and episode 21: The Montage is False.

Those who care for us do so –presumably- for a simple reason: because of who we are.

A heavy pour and quick shot of logic produces this trap: 

If I change, will they still love me?

This is dangerous. First and foremost because it is an assumption. What’s to say that family and friends won’t love you more if you change?

And if it feels painful to merely exist.

Painful to think.

Painful to operate.

Painful to just get up in the morning.

Painful to just keep going. . .

Anyone who loves you will be open arms, and let you go through that open door of change. They will be there on the other side too, waiting for you again.

That is the cheesy ideal circumstance. Meaning, it's not usually the case.

Not everyone is open to such change: changes in ourselves often uncomfortably highlight changes that loved ones need to make in themselves. This can be finagled into a virtuous cycle, a community of change. But it requires tender gloves, and flexible, agile, experimenting, often counter-intuitive thinking. Difficult. Perhaps trying to navigate the already-difficult path of changing one's self is enough for the moment. Don't take on the whole world around you.

Take heed that change happens slowly.

Declarations of a better you and a better future need not be made. Keep it a secret. The montage is not going to happen overnight.

Think of change more like a subversive tree root cracking the sidewalk. You never notice until after it's happened.

The very aggravating aspect of change - that it happens so slowly – can be an ally when it comes to the restraining influence of loved ones. Before they notice, the good habits will have their hold. Before they can complain, you’re fortifications will be built. Before they doubt, your work will speak for itself.

Loved ones intend to be supportive. But often their own fears, insecurities and inequities turn their influence into rose-colored handcuffs. Working to keep you as you are, so they don't have to confront such an up-close example of the fact that change is possible. That a better you can be built. And in turn prove that they too could build a better self too.

Those who have any fear of change work against feeling that kind of obligation. No matter what they might think or say about being supportive. It's the old reptile part of the brain hijacking the higher executive function in the name of the sacred cause of laziness.

Don’t struggle against them, and preach as a prisoner.

Quietly plan your escape. 

Study the lock.

By the time they notice you’ve escaped, You’ll be kickin’ it on a beach in Mexico.

So to speak.

(And who knows, they might just be inspired to join you: the Party-maker.)

REAR-VIEW

May 17th, 2018

The past is undeniably important. It contains all the experiences that have influenced who we are. It is the single vast ingredient required for reflection. It stores all the information that allows us to make sense of the present. It feels exceptionally realistic and overwhelmingly convincing. Because once: it was reality.

But reality is not the past.

Reality is something new. It incorporates many aspects of the past. But to think it is the past or even very close to the past is to live in the past. To do this is to live in a conceptual version of the present based on a present that no longer exists - Except in the mind. To do this is to ignore reality. Let time slip by you. To be robbed of the future.

Where is the balance? Between reflection and practicing awareness in the present moment?

While driving we mostly look at the road in front of us, and only routinely make quick checks in our mirrors, which are very useful tools.

But we cannot do both at the same time.

We cannot keep our eyes on the road in front of us AND check our mirrors.

You must do one or the other.

If you are too focused on your mistakes, misfortunes & misery, you might be blind to avoid the next crash right in front of you.

Would it be a good idea to stare in your rear-view mirror the whole time while driving? 

Even most of the time?

Do you have your eyes on what’s in front of you?